Sooo, I was having a look at my Instagram Feed as I had one of my usual out of nowhere 'oooh I wonder,' thoughts. Today it was me wanting to see just how much I've been able to 'unmask,' and let go of societal, and personal expectations since my ADHD diagnosis last year. I had far too many thoughts about it for it just to be an instagram post, and so I've compiled my thoughts here.
Right Before my Official ADHD diagnosis my Instagram feed looked like this….
I was trying to fit in, trying to write and design posts neatly. Mostly things were backed with white, which in my opinion was what ‘professional people do.’ I realise now that was my own closed minded view on professionalism, that I didn’t even agree with! 🤗
To me, I still look at it and in my head I perceive myself to have both been missing the mark on professionalism, AND my personality or 'vibe.' It just doesn't seem true to me, because it's not. I hadn't even really learned yet my full vision of my business, and myself, or what I liked/disliked.
But I did some googling, and found the first definitions that came up for me for some of those 'standards,' I was holding myself to.
The definition of professionalism: the competence or skill expected of a professional.
The definition of competence: the ability to do something successfully or efficiently.
In both cases, I was competent, skilled, and successful in my goals. 🤗 I AM professional, and the colour I choose to dye my hair, the way I choose to speak, or design my posts don’t actually have anything to do with that. I was still, as I am now, making lots of incredible, high quality products, that make so many people happy.
The only change now is that before I would often be posting before almost on autopilot, focusing on keeping my captions short, and posts 'presentable.' I'm able now, I have the added element of doing things in ways that make me so much more excitable, happy, fulfilled.
**My use of 'before,' and 'after,' is referring to before and after my official ADHD diagnosis, properly working on myself, and beginning ADHD medication. I didn't actually expect such a change, as I was already aware in myself that I had ADHD.
Soooo, here's my instagram feed now, August 2023, almost a year after my diagnosis...
My diagnosis really has shone a light on myself, and the expectations I was holding myself to. Not that I should've, or anyone should need a label to learn to be themselves. I'm gutted that I did, especially as now I can't share that with my Mum. It's one of the hardest things I find about bettering myself, but that's okay, it IS shit, and I will be sad about that sometimes - although I make sure not to let it monopolise my thoughts.
Just some of the things that have changed in my mindset are:
Now I post, and there’s ALWAYS going to be lots of colour and joy - no matter how many times i’m advised otherwise. 🤗 You don’t HAVE to be like everyone else, even slightly. 🤨✨
I post and I’m not always 100% happy with the look or design I’ve been trying to go for but I don’t let it get to me. I post it anyway because, why does it matter?
Am I going to spend another 2 hours and then often realise I preferred the original anyway? Yep, sometimes… 🤣🤣 Ok but only now will I do that if I’m still ENJOYING designing it and doodling, or whatever I’m doing.
Plus, it's extra time spent to make something how I want it to look, not spending extra time as I want it to fit the norm, and just can't make it work!
I don’t bring out a new product and think, ‘how does everyone else do it.’ Because I think I often used to do that subconsciously, just like I used to do with my personality, masking to be like others so I felt less of ‘the odd one out.’ 🤗
My more personal take aways from comparing...
Apart from just looking at the complete change in aesthetic, and seeing myself now with bright pink, blue and purple hair - I can massively see my own shift in confidence. It's good to have things like this to look back on for yourself, that show just how much you've learned and evolved!
I NEVER would have told you I'd be the kind of person that would be able to film reels of my face TALKING?!! I have always always had such low self esteem, and been pretty horrible to myself in my own brain. So it honestly would have seemed impossible to me.
Of course in that time I have also had the privilege to get myself onto the right ADHD medication for me, but that in no way has been the only factor. Even on days where I've got my period, and my meds aren't really working, or after I've crashed at the end of a day because in no way are meds a 24/7 fix... or when I'm just taking a break from them - I still notice a massive change in myself and mindset, which has honestly changed my life.
I remember being told in many counsellor's offices that I just was a negative person towards myself, and they didn't really see that changing. That is NOT the case. So don't let anyone, even yourself, convince you that you can't be confident, and learn to be unapologetically yourself. YOU CAN!
Final Thoughts:
So if you're struggling, ADHD or otherwise - my advise would be to stop letting any opinion have too much weight over your life.
You are never going to please everyone. It's just not possible! I know it's over-said, but often, especially with ADHD it's hard to hear, put it in practice and not let it make you sad... Something to help with that though, I did hear something in a podcast - there isn't even a food that everyone likes... I certainly don't get offended when someone doesn't like one of my all time fav foods, so why should you with people? As long as you like yourself, that is genuinely the most important thing.
Go and live your life in whatever way YOU wish, make time for the things that make you the happiest, and STOP caring what everyone thinks. Your life is for YOU!!
Lots of Love,
Chloë, To the Moon and Back Shop
PS - as with my instagram posts, I have proofread this over and over, and sent to my bestie and Nathan to check for spelling - but I'm sure there will still be mistakes. That's just another thing I'm letting go of cares for. I have ADHD, I often make mistakes that I can't see until it's too late, but that doesn't matter to me now. :) Sooo... sorry not sorry, as long as it makes sense hahah.
